There and back again
by SugarMuffin08
Summary: There is only one way to help your partner on his journey to there and back again: Being a friend.
1. Chapter 1

**Just a very short story, inspired after listening to Daughtry`s "There and back again" tonight. I briefly thought about continuing this with Kono and Chin taking turns on Steve´s bed and maybe even Catherine. Not sure though. **

**As always, Feedback is greatly appreciated and I´d love to know what you think about it.**

**Disclaimer: Nothing is mine!**

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><p>"Do you ever listen to me, huh? I mean, is it just me who thinks that no matter what you suggest in situations like this, it´s always going to end with you being shot? Did you ever consider – just for a brief second – that you could trust your partner to have your back? No! Because you are SuperSEAL, the only one on this planet to save us from the bad guys!"<p>

Dannys rant couldn´t hide the fact that his inside was raw with worry and pain. His rambling had only one purpose, to distract himself from the fact that his partner, Lt. Cmdr. Steve McGarrett, was badly hurt during one of his one-man-missions, nearly loosing his life and still being closer to death than life right now.

Danny couldn´t face the truth. He wasn´t ready to admit that he was goddamn afraid to loose his best friend, the only man he´d ever consider close enough to being a brother. The man who annoyed the hell out of him, that pissed him of countless times with a shrug or a smile instead of an explanation. The man who always had his back, who always would throw himself in the line of fire instead of Danny getting hit. The man who´d give his life to protect his partner, his friend, so that a little girl wouldn´t have to be told that her "Danno" died in the line of duty.

"I think you´re having serious control issues, Steve! Maybe you should consider a therapy. You know, it´s never healthy to lift all the weight only on your shoulders and trying to stand up on your own. I can´t believe I´m actually the one who has to tell you this, but THAT is what a team is for!" with a resigned sigh Danny rubbed his hand over his face, as if that would make everything okay and rub the exhaustion and worry and fear away. If it was only that easy.

He was sitting in a hospital, again. With his partner being the patient in the bed, connected to all kinds of monitors to control his breathing, his heartbeat, his temperature and god knows what else. Danny was tired, so terribly tired. Of sitting in one of those ugly, uncomfortable chairs by the bedside, waiting for a sign of recovery. He actually had spend countless times in a hospital room like this, waiting and trying to coax his partner into waking up by ranting for hours. And the hard plastic of the chairs, that was so unforgiving that his made his back and his ass hurt whenever he managed to get up, all that added only to the sad fact that again, Steve McGarrett had saved his life.

"You know, I wonder if it´s a personal thing, if fate has decided that whenever things get dangerous or tend to spiral out of control, it has to make sure that you are around. No wait, not only around but in the middle of it. You have to be in the line of fire or in the middle of an explosion or... jumping from a building or whatever. You just have to! No way working around it."

"I knew that something bad would happen today. Remember I told you this morning that it would be a bad day? Remember it? Well, I was right, wasn´t I? You got shot. But you wouldn´t believe me, no. You were saying that things would be okay. That I should trust you. Now, lets get this clear, SuperSEAL, you were wrong! You hear me? Nothing is okay now!" Danny´s shoulders slumped down as if the weight of the world, the weight that Steve carried so willingly, was suddenly dumped on him.

"I hate seeing you like this, partner." he murmured.

There was no way and no need hiding it anymore. Steve couldn´t hear him. He wouldn´t complain and he wouldn´t know that Danny was feeling helpless and that he was scared.

"I´ve been in a room just like this countless times. And most of the times you were the one in the bed. I have waited hours, days, for you to wake up. To recover. I´ve seen the ugly side of the truth, Steve. I´ve seen you bleed red just like we all do. You feel pain and you can get hurt... and I´m afraid that one day I´ll sit in a chair like this and just have to realize that you, SuperSEAL, can die, just like we all can."

Danny swallowed a lump in his throat, willing down the tears.

"I know that you think you can handle everything. That your training makes you unbreakable. But do you ever – just for a second – think about your team? Do you ever think about how Kono will feel when something really bad happens to you? You´re her hero, you know?" Danny can´t help the smile on his face, a small one that doesn´t reach his eyes. But it´s there, for a second, before it changes into a frown.

"Or Chin. That guy is so tough and cool. I sometimes think he can stop a Tsunami just by standing in its way and talking with that fucking comforting voice that makes you just want to listen to him. He needs to know that he won´t loose you as well, just like he´d lost his old partner, his job, his badge and his family."

"Or think of Gracie. My daughter adores you, she woships the ground you walk on. She truly believes your a superhero and you can make the world spin in the other direction just by using your willpower. That little girl has painted you a picture every day since you got here. Every, freaking day. And in every picture you´re the hero, saving her Daddy. She really...," Danny clears his throat. "she needs you to wake up to save her Danno. Because apparently in her mind, I´m not capable of doing that myself."

Slowly Danny stood up from the chair and stretched his back, a painful moan on his lips. He walked over to the window and opened it, letting some cool, fresh air into the room to get rid of the sterile hospital smell that he knew Steve hated. He watched the stars for a moment, seeing them shine brightly and twinkle. He never would admit it to anyone, but they were so much brighter then they were in New Jersey.

Danny wasn´t sure if he liked Hawaii. It was hot. It was sunny. It was laid back. And it was full of beautiful people. But he knew one thing for sure, he loved his new family. They grew on him, day by day. With every case. Every time one of them had his back. Every time they were able to book the bad guy. Every time they shared a laugh. And every time they saved each others life. Hawaii became his home, because of his family.

Slowly he turned back to the still figure in the white sheets that looked more vulnerable and more helpless then anything he had ever seen. Danny knew that this time, Steve was hurt bad. Like really, really bad. The bullet had raptured his collarbone, caused severe internal bleeding and damaged his spine when leaving his body. Even after surgery it wasn´t clear how much long-term damage – Danny didn´t dare to think of irreparable damage – this bullet had caused.

"I´ve tried to contact Catherine, found her number in your phone..." Danny sighed and rubbed his tired eyes again. "I left a message on her voice mail, not sure she heard it yet. But I thought you´d want her to know. I know Rachel would want to know if it was me."

He moved like an old man back to the chair on the bedside and sat down, his back rigid, his hands balled to fists on his thighs, his eyes never leaving the immobile figure in the bed.

"I remember one time when I got shot back in New Jersey and I woke up 4 days later in the hospital. Rachel was there and I later found out that she had been the whole 4 days, never leaving my side. She knew the name of all nurses that walked into that room, you know. She probably knew more about my status then the nurses because she watched every single move I made. Every breath I took. Every beeping of the monitors. Just... everything. Now, Rachel is a very classy, British lady, we both know that. But you haven´t seen her back then. She was like a mad woman whenever someone tried to convince her to leave me. Don´t tell her that I told you this, okay? She´d kill me."

Again the small smile on his lips faded when he travelled back in time.

"But I was grateful that it was her face I saw first thing I woke up. Her smile. She was there and even though I never told her, that meant the world to me... I guess I should have told her. I know you would tell me that I should have told her. But I thought she knew. I thought she´d read my mind, she´d knew that I would never ever forget that moment. Opening my eyes and seeing her smile. It was like... like I just had to go through all this crap to open my eyes to pure beauty."

Danny chuckled and tugged the blanket around Steve´s immobile body. He saw the bruises, the cuts and the bandage that covered the ugly wound. His partner was pale and Danny wished the grey tan of Steve´s skin would fade just as the bruises and cuts were slowly healing.

"So, I called Catherine and I told her that you got shot while saving my life. That you threw yourself in front of me to keep me from getting killed. And that you´re here, in hospital. I told her that I truly believe that this is what you consider a vacation, lying in bed, immobile, non responsive, connected to machines that help you breath and ignoring the rest of the outside world." Danny´s voice was husky and he rubbed his hand over his chin for a second to lock down his emotions again. "You better wake up and yell at me, if you don´t agree with me. You know, if you don´t want Catherine to come here. Because I´m pretty sure your little Ramboette will get here asap."

His eyes were glued to his partner, desperately willing him to move or to show any sign that he had heard him. But Steve didn´t move. He didn´t flinch. He didn´t open his eyes. And he didn´t yell at Danny. What a fucking crazy world! Right now, Danny wanted nothing more then for Steve to yell at him for worrying Catherine while he was just grazed by the bullet. And Danny felt another portion of his hope vanish. Ever day, every hour that Steve didn´t react made Danny fear that he was slipping through his fingers. He felt like his best friend was drifting further and further away with every tick of the clock. Ever minute that went by seemed to go faster then the previous one.

"You´ve fucked up this time, Steve. Royally fucked up." Danny hissed and his voice was thick with emotions. He felt it. He knew that this time was different from all the other times he had seen his partner in a hospital bed. He knew that this time, the battle his partner was fighting, was so much harder than before. He felt it in his bones. This time could be the last time. And he was scared shitless to admit it but he didn´t know how to help Steve. He didn´t know if he would be able to have his back this time.

"Don´t you dare give up on me now, Steve! You hear me! Don´t you dare taking the easy way out this time just because it´s a long way or because you think you wouldn´t make it. I will not allow you to give up!" Danny grabbed Steve´s hand and squeezed it hard. "I am here. And I deserve the right to kick your ass for doing that. For saving my life. I deserve to be able to tell you what an idiot you are and that you shouldn´t risk your own life for saving mine. I deserve this right because I´m your partner, you hear me?"

His eyes were burning, he hadn´t slept in 48 hours and every single muscle in his body was hurting. But he wouldn´t leave Steve alone, he wouldn´t leave his side. Not now. Not until he woke up.

"You might be a bad ass Navy SEAL, my friend. But I´m a New Jersey detective. I´m a father. I´m a husband. And I´m your friend. And trust me, my will is just as strong as your´s is. I know somewhere in there you can hear me and probably think of a way to kill me for ranting without any pause. But I will not stop! You hear me, Steve? I won´t stop until you wake up and until you tell me to shut the fuck up!"

He watched his partner intently, trying to see even the slightest movement or the tiniest change in his breathing pattern. But there was none. The unnerving beeping of the monitors stayed the same. Nothing had changed, Steve was still lost somewhere between here and there.

"Okay... okay... I´ll just sit here, I´ll close my eyes for a moment and don´t even think about opening your eyes while I´m asleep, okay? I just need a moment..." He leaned back in the chair, trying to find a comfortable position to relax his hurting back. And finally sleep overwhelmed him and he didn´t care about hurting muscles anymore. He just needed to sleep and to gather all his strength because he knew, his partner needed him to guide him back.


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay, you guys asked for it, you get it! Just don´t complain when you don´t like the outcome. Just kidding, this story is one of those that just won´t let me quit but keep writing. I like the idea of giving a glimpse into the head of the other team members and I think maybe Catherine will make an appearance as well. Let me know what you think... please.**

**Also, I have no idea if the online translator for Hawaiian works so I´ll probably make mistakes. Feel free to correct me.**

**Thank you for every one of the amazing reviews and the alerts! You totally made my day(s)!**

**Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, just the idea.**

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><p>With a nearly inaudible click the door opened and within a split second Danny was alert, his gun in his hand pointing at the door. His eyes burned with unshed tears and lack of sleep but his mind was focussed.<p>

"Hey, it´s just me, brah. Relax." Chin´s soothing voice instantly had a calming effect on Danny. He placed his gun back in the holster and rubbed his face furiously in an futile attempt to wake up. His hair was a mess and the shadows under his eyes made him look like death warmed over.

"Go home, Danny, and sleep for a few hours. I´ll stay with Steve." Danny looked at him for a few moments, silently, not moving a single muscle and Chin knew he was evaluation his options in his head. For a second Chin feared that his friend wouldn´t want to leave and insist on staying. And he would have no right to order him to go home. Still he saw how much Danny needed to sleep. And how much he actually needed the warm and forgiving comfort of his wife´s embrace.

And Chin needed time with his boss. He came here, knowing that he´de have to convince Danny to leave first. But he wanted, no he needed, to talk to his boss.

He watched Danny slowly getting up from the chair and he leaned down to Steve, whispering something that sounded like "I told you Babe, the tsunami." and turned to Chin again. Chin hugged the smaller man and slapped his back assuringly. Funny, he didn´t feel assured himself at all. But maybe that was something you never got used to. No matter how many times you were in a situation like this and no matter how many times you´ve comforted others, your own fear remained unanswered and raw.

Chin stood in the middle of the room, watching Danny leave and closing the door behind him. And the moment Chin heard the silent click of the door snapping in, he sat down on the chair that Danny had occupied before. He grabbed Steve´s hand and held it between his hands, warming it, soothing it. But to him it felt more like he was holding onto Steve. Again.

"I remember one time when your Dad was shot." Chin started without hesitation, his voice as calm and soothing as always. But his eyes were dark and full of unspoken emotions that he only kept at bay while holding Steve´s hand. "You are so much like him, Steve. He pushed me down and the bullet hit him. I would have been dead if he hadn´t pushed me down." The older man watched his young boss silently, lost in his own thoughts that sent him back in time.

"Your father saved my life, Steve. And when I asked him why he had done that, why he had pushed me down, all he said was 'That´s what you do for your ohana'."

Chin stood up and gently tugged Steve in, removing the invisible wrinkles in the sheets and dimmed the light. He didn´t realize it but his movements were effective, quick and without any doubt showing how much he cared for the young man lying there immobile. Maybe that was how he always was, caring, thoughtful and making sure that everything was planed out and organized as much as it possibly could. Chin wasn´t one to stand in the center of attention, but he knew his role, his job, and he would never betray his team.

"You did the same thing your father once did for me, Steve. You saved my life. Maybe not as immediate, but you did it nevertheless." Chin looked up alarmed when the door opened again but it was just the nurse, checking on the patient. With a sympathetic smile she left just a moment later and Chin seemingly relaxed back into the chair.

"No one believed me when I was dishonorably discharged from HPD, no one wanted to work with me or even talk to me. You did. Just like your father would have done." A nearly tender smile appeared on the face of the Asian man when his hands held onto the other man´s hand for dear life.

"I never thought anyone would ever trust me again, but you did. All you wanted was to hear me say that I wasn´t a dirty cop and you trusted me. You offered me a ticket back into the game." Disbelieve was evident in Chin´s voice. The young man in front of him hadn´t moved or blinked or even breathed any different, but Chin knew that Steve McGarrett heard him. He knew that his words, coming from the heart, weren´t fading unheard in this room.

He came here to watch over his boss, his friend. He was here to make sure that Steve was able to heal and recover. And he knew that a part of him was here to plead Steve inaudibly if necessary, to not give up. On life. On his team. On Chin.

Silence filled the room and even the beeping of the monitors seemed to fade into the background. To Chin their noise wasn´t unnerving, but a constant reminder that Steve was hanging onto life. That Steve was fighting and not giving up.

Hours seem to flow by, time didn´t mean anything that night. Chin talked to his friend for hours, without saying a word. He held his hand, soothed the sheets and ever so often cooled his skin with a wet cloth. He took care of his friend, like he would take care of a child. He did whatever he could to help Steve. To reassure him that he was there, that he wasn´t alone and that he, Chin, needed him to wake up. Just so he was able to thank him.

Night came and went by. And Chin never left his place on the uncomfortable chair at the bedside. And when the early sun began to rise, he began to talk again.

"Your father showed me the picture of your graduation. And he told me about what happened at the party afterwards." The smile in Chin´s voice seemed to make it easier and when the first rays of sun lit the room, the warmth that Chin felt inside was like a comforting hug. "He was very proud of you, Steve. He knew you´d be the man he always saw in you, even when you were little. He had a deep and unbreakable trust in you and you never disappointed him."

"You and Mary Ann were the only thing in his life that kept him going after your Mom was killed. That broke him... the day she died, something inside him died too. I know you still feel resented when he sent you away even though you now know why. The little boy inside you still doesn´t understand. And your father knew that. But back then there was nothing else he could have done. He accepted that you´d hate him. Because all he wanted was for you to be safe." Chin lifted his hand is if to brush Steve´s hair out of his face but then he pulled his head back again.

"He accepted the pain of your rejection to make you live safe, Steve. He gave you up, so you would have a life and a future. That was the biggest sacrifice he could make. I was very proud to work with your father. And now... now I am very proud to work with you, Steve. You are what your father always saw in you." This time Chin didn´t hide the emotions in his voice, the trembling tone, the nearly choked words.

"I know you can hear me. This is very important, keikikane. We need you to come back to us. 5-0 is nothing without you. Your ohana needs you."

Chin´s hand rose again and he realized surprised that his hand was trembling. But he didn´t hesitate this time. With a firm movement he rested his palm at Steve´s forehead, brushing his thumb over one brow.

"Ohana, Steve. Always."

They stayed like that for an eternity, never breaking contact, never faltering. Chin kept the physical connection to Steve, knowing that the younger man would feel his touch. And knowing that he, Chin, needed it too, deep inside where his fears and worries were threatening to escape their prison.

The door opened again just when Chin pulled his hand back. He looked up and smiled at his cousin.

"Hey, did you get some sleep?" he asked and Kono shrugged her shoulders.

"I relaxed." she said and Chin understood that she hadn´t slept at all.

"Wanna go and get us some coffee? I´ll watch him." she assured her cousin and for the first time Chin asked himself when she had grown up. When did the little, skinny, dark haired girl turn into this strong, caring and beautiful woman? He smirked inwardly at himself, acknowledging that he was the one refusing to see it. Kono had been a strong woman for a while now. He just wanted to see the little girl in her still.

"Thank you. Want one too?" he asked when he got up and stretched.

"Good idea. And bring one for Danny too, I think he´ll be here soon." she smiled at him forcefully and after a gentle caress of her cheek he left the room. He had needed that time with Steve, and so did Kono.

Silently Kono sat down on that same chair, for a moment wondering how Chin was able to stay all night on that thing. But when she grabbed Steve´s hand, the thought was forgotten. His hand was warm and she could feel how calloused it was from years of holding and firing a gun. She covered his hand with her own and gently caressed the soft skin, watching how small her hands looked compared to his.

"You scare Danny shitless, Boss." she chuckled sadly and then took in a deep breath that sounded more like a shivering sob.

"He´s gonna make your life unbearable when you wake up, you know that. He´s gonna be a mother hen, getting on your nerves every waking minute. Until you´re better. Then he´s gonna kick your ass for doing something so stupid." Her upper palm stroked Steve´s hand and forearm, up and down, up and down, in slow and firm caresses.

"Chin was with you all night and it´s morning again. A beautiful morning and I heard that the waves on the North Shore are perfect today. You´re missing quiet a lot, Boss, lying here." A tear fell on the white, sterile sheets, leaving a wet spot until the salty liquid vanished into the fibres of the linen.

"Remember when you offered me the job with 5-0? That day at the beach?" Despite her tears Kono was smiling. "It was meant to be. You know... like a shiny-dangly thing in your life that just appears when you need it? You happen to be my shiny-dangly thing. Because I needed 5-0 at that time, I didn´t even know myself how much."

A nurse came in silently, smiling at the young woman who didn´t even react to her. And when she left again, Kono didn´t even look up.

"I learned a lot from you. Danny and Chin wouldn´t always agree that it was good, but I think in secret they are grateful, because they can rely on me. Just don´t tell them I spilled their secret, okay?" Another tear followed and left an abstract design on the sheet.

"Danny would say that you are my hero." A silent chuckle echoed in the room. "Maybe he is right. Maybe you are my hero. You always seem to give too much of everything. But that is just who you are. You never do things 50%, never. You throw yourself in there 150% and you never give up. If that makes you a hero, I´ll gladly admit you´re mine." Kono lifted his hand and placed a soft kiss inside his palm, framing it around her face. It felt so good to feel his skin being warm. It gave her hope. She wouldn´t give up.

"I´m still a rookie, Boss, and I still need you around. We all need you around." Another tear, and another and then the dam broke and tears were falling freely onto the white sheets, leaving a dark puddle of tears on the sterile fabric.

"I don´t know how to tell you how much we need you. Danny is our drama queen, he´d know how to find the words to talk to you...but I hope you hear me too, Boss." She placed her quivering lips against his palm again and for a second she thought she felt his fingers twitch. But when she looked at his face, nothing had changed and his fingers were lifeless again.

The room was silent, so terribly silent despite the beeping of the monitors. The air was fresh and clean, since Chin hadn´t closed the window that Danny had opened earlier. Such an abstract contrast to the situation. But in the silence of the room with the fresh and warm air that promised a new day and new hope, Kono rested her head on Steve´s thigh and cried hot tears. For herself, her cousin, Danny and for Steve.

"Shsh, don´t wake her up, Brah." Chin whispered to Danny who entered the room just mere seconds behind him. The pictures that greeted them, left both of them stunning.

When Chin had left, he knew Kono was by Steve´s side. He had left the window open to allow the warm morning air in. And now they found Kono, asleep, her head rested on Steve´s thigh, her hands holding onto Steve´s. Kono´s face was wet with tears that seemed to still escape her closed eyes, but her lips were smiling. And their fingers entwined. The sun fell into the room through the open window, engulfing them in a warm, orange light and for a moment Chin felt like entering a surreal dream sequence.

Chin and Danny exchanged a look. This was not what they had expected. But then again, what was to be expected in a situation like this? The scenery in front of them looked so peaceful that neither of them wanted to destroy the moment. They just stared at it in awe, hoping that the confidence they felt wasn´t a trick played by their minds. That it was real and things would be okay.

Kono sensed their presence in the room, or maybe it was just the scent of fresh, strong coffee that woke her up. She looked at her cousin and Danny and smiled. A beautiful, genuine smile while she looked down at her fingers entwined with Steve´s.

"He was holding my hand." she whispered.


	3. Chapter 3

**Wow, I´m blown away by the reviews and the amount of people reading this story! Thank you so much, you totally made my day and encourage me. Here is another chapter, let me know what you think!**

**Disclaimer: I don´t own 5-0 sadly, or "The Lazarus child", which is an amazing book.**

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><p>Two days later the situation hadn´t changed the least bit. The hope Danny had felt when Kono announced that Steve had held her hand quickly vanished when he wouldn´t react to any kind of stimulation. The doctor tried to smile assuringly but Danny preferred not to get his hopes up too high. He felt his patience quickly running through his fingers. He hated to hear the doctors say something like "needs more time", "too early to make any kind of prognosis" or "it´s up to him". He was ready to swear that if he had to listen to those fucking stupid words only once more, he´d personally hurt them!<p>

Danny started to believe that maybe, just maybe Kono´s mind was playing tricks with her, because she desperately wanted to believe that things would be okay. Danny remembered a book he once read, The Lazarus child, in which a little girl suffered a severe brain damage after an accident. And she is stuck in a different reality, another world. So her older brother is trying to get her back from there and pull her back into the real world.

Danny somehow felt like that older brother, desperate to find a way to save her. Because that was how he felt with Steve. He knew that his partner was still in there. He wasn´t lost yet, but maybe he couldn´t find his way back. Just what could Danny do to help him? He could hardly draw any signs to attract his attention. He couldn´t give Steve a roadmap with a huge red arrow on it that says "Ohana? 5-0? This way please!"

Chin forced Kono to go home for a few hours and try to catch some sleep. She was barely able to hold herself upright and she fought with everything she still had to remain strong for her hero. But finally she gave in to Chin´s gentle pressure, especially when Danny told her that he was there to take over now. So she had pressed a gentle kiss to Steve´s cheek and left with Chin.

Danny smiled remembering her persistent struggle. She was as stubborn as can be and Danny was thankful for that. But he also saw that she needed to rest, she wasn´t helping anyone when she finally would pass out next to Steve. With a painful moan he sat down on the chair again, the very chair that he came to hate. And love. His eyes took in Steve´s lifeless form and he saw that the bruises and cuts were slowly fading, nothing more than shadows now. The white bandage on his collarbone looked somewhat out of place because it didn´t belong there. And what scared Danny was the fact that Steve´s usually tanned skin merely stood up against the white bandage.

"Have you ever read "The Lazarus child", Steve? I mean, I don´t think you ever read normal books like normal people do. You´d probably only read stuff about ammo and weapons and a lot of high tech weaponry. But this book... it reminds me a lot of this situation here." Danny gestured helplessly with his hands, thinking that Steve would probably make a face now because he was talking with his hands again. And he´d welcome even that face now, everything was better then this defeating silence.

"You know, it´s about a little girl. She´s about Gracie´s age when she was hit by a car and her brain is injured badly. Her brother was supposed to walk her to school, but he didn´t pay enough attention. And then she´s in coma and there seems to be no hope. She won´t react to anything and the family is grieving and mourning. But that little girl, Frankie, she isn´t dead. And her brother attempts to save her, to get her back." Ironically Danny didn´t realize just how much more the situation had in common with the book. It wasn´t just that he hoped that Steve was at a place like Frankie in the book was, a place that you could bring him back from.

But Danny was like the brother in a way. Of course he didn´t do it on purpose and it wasn´t because he wasn´t paying enough attention so that this had happened. But he couldn´t shake the feeling off that he wasn´t there when his partner needed him to have his back. That he should have done... something. And now he felt obliged to dive in and retreat Steve from wherever he was.

"So her brother goes to the 'other side' to find Frankie. And he... he is scared and he doesn´t know how to accomplish his mission, but he tries. He won´t give up. He never gives up on her. And in the end... in the end he safes his little sister and brings her back." Danny grabbed Steve´s hand and squeezed it hard.

"I´m gonna be your big brother, Steve. I´m gonna bring you back. I will not allow you to disappear even if it´s nice and sunny and peaceful over there, you know. I´m gonna drag your sorry ass back here just so I can kick you to the curb for pulling such bullshit. And this, my friend, is a promise!" His voice was firm and strong, full of content that he wasn´t feeling at all. But the way he was holding Steve´s hand was gentle, careful and nearly cautious.

Danny stayed silent for a few minutes and that itself was a miracle. But his thoughts went back to the moment he came home two nights before. Rachel had been there when he opened the door and just look in his face was enough. She was in his arms in an instant, holding onto him tightly. And that was the moment Danny allowed himself to let his control slip. Tears were soaking her shirt and his arms held onto her with a force that nearly broke her rips. But she didn´t protest and she didn´t complain, she stayed like that, held onto him until he finally took in a deep breath and pulled back slightly, kissing her lips gently.

"She is an amazing woman, you know. Things are so much better now and even though I know you´d say that you´ve known it all along, I´m surprised every morning I´m allowed to wake up next to her. Oh, she told me about your little conversation at our wedding, you know? How on earth did you come to that topic? I mean I shouldn´t be surprised that you´d use whatever situation you got to embarrass me but telling her that?" Danny chuckled, remembering the moment.

"She wants me to tell you that you have to get better soon. She is worried, Steve. You somehow convinced her that you are a nice guy and since our wedding her opinion about you improved... which I don´t fully understand if I might add." Leaning back in the chair he let go of Steve´s hand for a moment and rubbed over his face, trying to find something to do.

His thoughts went back to last night when he came home to Rachel after spending the whole day in the hospital.

"_Hey Babe." he said, his voice was tired and exhaustion had left deep lines in his face. Rachel looked up from the book she was reading and instantly stood up and moved over to him, wrapping her arms around her husband._

_She didn´t say anything, she just held him and felt him slowly relax against her. His strong arms were around her, tightly holding her against him, desperate to feel her warmth. Her lips were pressed to his temple and she wished more than anything, she could take the pain from him._

_Finally he relaxed enough and pulled back slightly to look at her._

"_I love you, Rach." he whispered and framed her face with his hands, kissing her gently. "I love you." he whispered again and Rachel felt tears in her eyes. She had never seen him this torn, this insecure and distraught. _

"_I love you too, Daniel. Always." she whispered back before his lips crashed down on hers again. The kiss quickly turned from gentle, giving and caring to demanding, hard and needy. She felt his need to be close to her and she instantly realised that words weren´t enough tonight. What Danny needed was essential and she knew that she was the only one who could give it to him._

_With a tender smile she grabbed his hand and led him to the bedroom. Closing the door behind them, she pulled him down onto the bed with her. And words really didn´t mean anything because with every kiss and every touch and every caress she engulfed him in her love and gave him oblivion. The room was filled with deep breaths, throaty moans and stammered whispers. His strangled scream held not only release and love, but also pain and fear._

_When she woke up hours later, she found the bed empty. She pulled over his shirt and went to look for him. And when she found him, the tears she was able to hide earlier, moistened her cheeks now. Danny was sitting on the edge of Gracie´s bed, his eyes glued to the little sleeping beauty. He was wearing his boxer shorts and a white T-shirt, his hair was still a mess. His face was wet, his eyes dark and filled with emotions. And he didn´t say a word, he just sat there staring at their daughter._

_'Oh Danny.' Rachel whispered when she tiptoed back to the bedroom, giving him the privacy she knew he needed now. _

Since the accident 8 days ago he was sitting in the his uncomfortable chair whenever he was awake. They didn´t work on any cases, Danny and Chin just checked in regularly, but except taking turns on Steve´s bed they didn´t really do much. And everyone was anxious, because what if they left his side only for a second and he woke up?

Danny knew that the longer Steve was unconscious the smaller the chances were that he´d just wake up as if it was a nap. The physical injuries were severe and Danny knew that this time, it was all or nothing. He might not be willing to face that truth yet, but he wasn´t stupid. And not talking about it or ignoring it wouldn´t make the reality change.

"Maybe I should ask Rachel to come here and talk some sense in you. She has a way to get under your skin and say so much just with a raise of her eyebrow, that you wanna crawl under a stone and hide there forever. Maybe that is exactly what you need, Steve. So, want me to call her? No? Yeah, I thought so..." Danny sighed and felt his patience slip.

"Damn Steve..." he whispered hoarsely and felt his eyes starting to burn. "It´s not fair, you know? Not fair that you are here being shot when you should be out there catching the bad guys. When you should tell me to get some sleep because I look like shit. Anything would be better than being here. "

Rubbing the bridge of his nose between thumb and forefinger Danny tried to prevent the tears from falling, a futile attempt but he tried anyway.

"What do you think we should do without you, huh?" Danny´s eyes lifted to Steve´s face and from the corner of the eye he saw the steady rise and fall of Steve´s chest. "I never will say this again and I´ll kill everyone who´s ever gonna reveal he heard me say this, my friend...," Oh God, no! He was not going to cry here! He was a detective, right? He had been SuperSEALs partner for the past 2.5 years. He was used to almost anything, so he was not going to cry like a baby now, no matter how much his inside was hurting!

"I won´t make it without you, Steve. So you just have to wake up and you have to get better! Please..." And no matter how much he was fighting it, a strangled sob escaped Danny´s tight chest when he dropped his head to the bed. There was only so much pain and despair a person can take and Danny felt like he reached his maximum.

And right there, in the moment of deepest pain and fear and anxiety, he felt a twitch of the fingers he was still holding onto tightly.


	4. Chapter 4

**You guys are awesome, thank you so much for the reviews and alerts. Now, on with the next chapter and Catherine. Sorry to everyone who doesn´t like her, but I love her with Steve. Just a little heads up though, don´t think things will get easier. You´ve been warned! :-)**

**Disclaimer: Not mine, not at all!**

**I´d love to know what you think!**

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><p>"I do not care the least bit that official visiting time is over, nor do I want to wait until the doctor gets here. I want to see Lt. Commander Steve McGarrett. NOW!" Catherine´s voice was rising constantly, but not in volume. No, her voice remained the same level. But the warmth left her voice, it got icy, cold and every word sounded like an insult. She came here about 2 minutes ago, after travelling half the world to get here, just to find this nurse doing chit-chat on her cell.<p>

"I´m sorry, I told you already..." the nurse in front of her dared to say, but Catherine cut her.

"Forget it, I´m not gonna bother myself dealing with you." she pulled her cell and dialed a number, waiting for Danny to answer.

"Danny? Catherine here. Can you come and get me?" she said and nodded grimly when she placed the cell back in one of the pockets of her camouflage pants.

"I know you´re just doing your job, but you chose the wrong moment to stick to the procedure. If you wanna be a good nurse, better learn when to be compassionate." she said quietly and the young nurse at least had the nerve to blush. Catherine grabbed her bag, swung it over her shoulder and walked towards Danny, who entered the reception area with huge steps.

"Hey." he said and reached his hand out to shake Catherine´s. Seeing her face and feeling the trembling in her fingers though he realized, it wasn´t enough. He pulled her into a hug and rubbed his hands up and down her back until she calmed down.

"Sorry... it took me too long..." Catherine whispered but Danny just smiled at her.

"You´re here, all is good." Catherine instantly knew why Steve cared so deeply about that man. It was like she could hear Steve´s voice telling her that 'he´s a pain in the ass, but I count on him 200% and he never lets me down'.

Slowly Danny guided her back to Steve´s room but before entering he stopped and grabbed her upper arms, looking into her face with an open expression that scared her more than anything.

"Look, I have no idea what you two have been through." he swallowed hard. "This time we´ll have to fight for him, okay? He´s not gonna make it on his own, so he needs us. He is reacting, sometimes. He squeezed my hand. And Kono´s too..." Danny tried to encourage her. "I called you because I think he cares for you deeply." It sounded more like a question, because what did he really know about the relationship? Nothing, except that Steve called her every now and then. But Danny remembered the gentle expression on Steve´s face whenever he talked about Catherine and got lost in his thoughts. His gut was telling him that calling Catherine was the right thing to do and he could only hope that his gut wasn´t talking to him because of the bad Mexican food he had for dinner earlier.

"I know you love him." he said and Catherine´s eyes widened.

"Oh, don´t look at me like a deer in the light of a car! You made it here within 2 days from somewhere in the middle of the ocean and you were willing to bite the nurse´s head off. Don´t worry, your secret is safe with me. But if your presence helps Steve, I don´t care even if you were the Devil himself! Okay?" When Catherine stayed silent, he gently shook her and she nodded at him.

"I´m not the devil, Danny. But trust me, Steve wouldn´t want me to be here if he was awake enough to protest." Danny tilted his head to one side, looking at her questioningly but Catherine wasn´t going to say anything else about it. He was not the one she would have to explain things to. Finally Danny gave in and gently stroked her arms.

"Ready?" he asked and Catherine nodded.

"Ready as can be." she said and when Danny turned to open the door, she took in a quick breath and tried to brace herself for what was lying behind that door. Danny was right in assuming that Steve and she had been through a lot, but it wasn´t as intense as he expected. Not Steve´s fault though, he always had made it clear that he would want her to be a part of his life. It was her fault, her mistake and Catherine was here to make it right. She couldn´t loose him without being able to tell him.

"Are you okay?" Danny´s voice startled her and she entered the room quickly, dropping her bag behind the door. And then she lifted her face to look at Steve.

'I love you. I´m sorry. I was wrong!' her inside was screaming but no word left her mouth. She slowly approached the bed.

"What happened?" she asked and looked at Danny.

"A raid gone bad. He pushed me out of the way and caught the bullet that would have killed me if he hadn´t thrown himself in the line." Damn, he wasn´t even able to repeat the details without swallowing the lump in his throat.

"How bad?" she asked, slowly and carefully moving closer to the bed. Danny moved to the other side, sitting down on the chair again and grabbing Steve´s hand. Catherine looked down at this gesture.

"The bullet broke his collarbone, hit the subclavian artery which caused internal bleeding. And when it exited his body, it damaged his spine. He lost a lot of blood. Too much blood." Danny said and his voice was calm, but his hands were trembling.

He lifted his head and watched as Catherine moved closer until her thighs pressed against the bed. She reached out and watched her trembling fingers, pulling her hand back and balled it to a fist. Her eyes met Danny´s and he nodded. As if Catherine needed to get the approval that it was okay to touch him, she reached out again and this time her hand wasn´t trembling. She touched his face, placed her palm against his cheek and brushed her thumb tenderly over his cheekbone.

"When is he going to wake up?" she asked, her eyes never leaving Steve´s face.

"They don´t know... when... but he will!" It sounded like he was not only trying to convince himself and Catherine but Steve as well.

Catherine only nodded and felt her knees buckle so she leaned against the bed further. Danny watched her the whole time, he couldn´t help it. He wanted to know that he didn´t make a mistake by calling her. He needed to know that his instincts were right and that Catherine and Steve shared something special.

It was the look in her eyes, the dark, glistening pools of emotions, that convinced him. She didn´t hide her feelings anymore. Her eyes were glued to Steve´s face and her hand was gently caressing him. That was enough for Danny to know.

"I´m gonna get some coffee." Danny said and gently squeezed her shoulder before leaving the room to give her the privacy to talk to Steve.

"Hello sailor." she whispered when she sat down on the chair that every member of Steve´s ohana had occupied in the last days.

"You look terrible, Steve. I thought when we see each other again it would be under different circumstances and trust me, this is not what I had in mind when I imagined you in bed." she lifted her hand to her face and kissed his knuckles. His skin was warm and he felt like her Steve. A strangely comforting thought, when she knew that things were at stake right now.

"Danny called me."

A tear slid down her face and with an angry movement she brushed it away. Steve needed her to be strong. He needed to know that he could rely on her and she was not going to let him down. Kicking herself she strengthened her shoulders and forced her emotions back deep down into her self. She´d deal with it later.

"He´s a great guy, he is really worried about you..." she didn´t know what to say. It seemed like no words were right, like the moment wasn´t for words. So she remained silent and just touched him, trying to make him feel her presence.

Catherine didn´t know for how long she stayed like this, but her back was hurting and her shoulders felt sore. She had been on a joint operation with the NATO in the middle of the Pacific and when she got Danny´s message, she had to pull quiet a few strings to get back. That being said she hadn´t slept in nearly 48 hours, travelled over 4000 miles on more than dubious ways, always with the worry in the back of her head that she might come too late.

But she was here now and even though she felt strangely misplaced, she´d stay here and do whatever was necessary to get him back. To help him wake up. To remind him that there were so many things in his life worth fighting for.

"You´ve always been fighting, Steve. Since I met you, you always seemed to fight against your own demons. That is what makes you so good in everything you do, because you give yourself to the mission with all you have. You´re not giving up and you certainly will not give up now. Remember that one mission in Pakistan a few years ago? When your team was trapped? The stakes were ridiculously high and to be honest, at some point I thought that we´d never see each other again." A sad smile graced her full lips.

"Do I need to worry about that, sailor? Is it me? I mean it sounds just like I´m the trigger for situations like this." Her chuckle turned into a sob and she slapped her hand before her mouth to strangle it. "I´m here because... I... damn!" she cursed at herself, at her inability to find the words to tell him why she was here. She knew what she wanted to tell him. But she also knew that this wasn´t about her. It was not about relieving her guilt, her conscious.

"I told Danny that you might not be happy to see me here when you wake up. And that´s okay, I know I deserve that... But I´m not running away again, not this time, Steve." she whispered and her voice faded. She lifted his hand to her lips again and kissed his palm before nuzzling her face into his warm palm. Her eyes never left his face and she blinked a few times to hide her tears.

"I am sorry, Steve. I did everything wrong and I... I need you to wake up, okay? I need to tell you that..." Catherine stopped and closed her eyes when the tears started to stream down her face. Her heart was breaking and her training didn´t help her at all. She felt helpless and not ready for this.

"Please don´t give up." she whispered and then she felt his fingers on her cheek twitch. Almost unnoticeable, but it was there. Catherine felt herself freeze, trying to decide if it was just in her head or if he really reacted to her. She lifted her eyes to his face, afraid of what she might see there.

A smile grew on her lips that were still trembling. A beautiful smile.


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you! That doesn´t seem to be enough but that´s all I can offer right now. Thank for for every review, every message and every alert. **

**I know that Catherine might not be more than a friends with benefits and probably that is what fits Steve´s character. He´s a player. But I love the idea of him having someone that is challenging more than what he´s trained for and more than what he´s used to. I like them together, they make a great couple. That being said, I want to just point out that I do know there is no "emotional depth" other then the one I want to see there. But I love to make a strong character like Steve´s realize that things are sometimes not going as planed and are more challenging on a personal level. **

**I hope you enjoy that too and remember, your feedback is important and I love every single one of it!**

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><p>"Hey..." she whispered softly and moved closer, her hand on his chest. She felt his strong and steady heartbeat and turned her face to kiss his palm. Another twitch of his fingers and she smiled. His dark blue eyes slowly focussed on her and Catherine stayed immobile until their eyes met and held each other.<p>

"I´m gonna go and get the doctor okay?" she whispered and this time the twitch of his fingers was stronger. His eyes seemed to plead with her to not go and his heartbeat was increasing, the beeping getting faster and faster.

"Shsh, it´s okay, I´m here." she soothed him. Her eyes never left his and the beeping slowed down again. For a long moment they just stared at each other and Catherine didn´t hide her emotions anymore. She let her eyes speak for her, tried to tell him how deeply she cared for him. Nothing else mattered in that moment and she didn´t even realize the door opened and Danny came in, 2 coffees with him.

"Hey Cath, I thought you´d..." he stopped when the scene in front of him finally sipped into his brain and he realized that his partner woke up. Catherine slowly turned to look at him, never breaking the physical contact to Steve.

"Can you get the doctor, Danny?" she asked and Danny nodded. He placed the coffee on the bedside table and smiled at Steve, who couldn´t focus on Danny. His eyes stayed on Catherine the whole time.

Danny left and returned just a moment later with a young Asian in white.

"I´m Dr. Parker, I see you finally decide to wake up, Commander." the young man instantly went to work, checking the vital signs of his patient and then ordering a nurse to assist when he would remove the tube.

"Would you please all leave the room?" he asked all them to leave in a very gentle voice, while already preparing everything.

"We´ll be just outside, okay? As soon as we are allowed back, we´re gonna be here." Catherine assured him and pressed her lips to his forehead, feeling Steve´s fingers twitch in her hand again. He was calm and his eyes were more focussed on her than before.

Danny and Catherine entered the room as soon as the nurse left it and found Steve slightly upright sitting in his bed, no more tube, no more machines beeping. He still was pale but looked so much better.

"I think he´ll make good progress now. We´ll have to wait and see about the swelling on his spine, I am hesitant to make any prognosis. I´m gonna check on him again later." the young doctor said and left the room. Danny and Catherine looked at each other, unsure of what to make of the doctor´s statement.

Catherine and Danny took their place on either side of Steve´s bed and when Steve opened his eyes, they focussed on first Danny and then Catherine.

"Hey." she softly said and smiled at him, feeling him trying to hold her hand. It was still very weak, but it was an intentional gesture.

"Hey partner, it´s about time." Danny said, his voice just as soft, his eyes on his partner. He squeezed Steve´s hand and smiled at him. "You had us worried here. Who gave you the right to walk into the line of fire, catch a bullet and then lie in bed for nearly 10 days, huh? Sounds a bit like SuperSEALs idea of a vacation." Danny ranted but his voice was soft and caring and Catherine saw the slight twitch of Steve´s lips.

"Hey, I´m gonna call Kono and Chin to let them know okay? And you two have some time alone." He exchanged a look with Catherine and all of the sudden, she felt nervous. She nearly asked Danny to stay but when she felt Steve grab her hand again, she decided to stay silent. "Good to have you back, partner." he said before leaving the room.

Outside he leaned against his back against the wall, closed his eyes and whispered a silent thank you to whoever would hear it. And then he picked his phone and made the important call.

Catherine couldn´t help but comb her fingers through Steve´s hair in a slow and caring gesture. She saw him close his eyes and thought he´d fallen asleep but when she pulled her hand back and tried to get up, his strangled and husky voice whispered "Stay."

Catherine felt tears in her eyes. She knew that his throat must be hurting, he had been ventilated for the past 10 days and his body was still weak. He still had some way to go, but Catherine knew now that he would make it.

"I´m staying." she whispered and lifted his hand to press her lips to it. Their eyes met and even though she saw that he was in pain, he refused to go back to sleep.

"Closer." he whispered and Catherine leaned closer. Careful not to hurt him, she lay a hand on his chest, feeling his heart beat under her fingers. It felt good to feel the steady beating, it told her that he would make a full recover.

"Not... going..." he whispered and she saw how much it cost him to get those words out.

"I´m not going anywhere." she promised softly and kissed his dry lips. "Not until you tell me to go." Their eyes met.

"Not... gonna... happen." he forced the words out and tried a weak smile at her. And Catherine smiled through her tears. She knew that they´d have to talk, but for now it was enough to know that he wanted her to be here. That was all that mattered.

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><p>Danny picked up Catherine from Steve´s place where she slept for 3 hours and showered and changed into her civil clothes. Danny had to force her to leave Steve´s side, but she finally gave in when Kono and Chin promised her to stay until she got back. She knew that his team needed and deserved some time with him as well. And he would be asleep most of the time anyway.<p>

She sat in Danny´s silver camaro now, watching the landscape fly by and her thoughts were... empty. There was not a single cohert thought she could grasp and she didn´t mind at all.

"Are you okay, Cath?" Danny´s voice made her look at him and she smiled a little at him.

"Yeah, I´m okay." She saw Danny rolling his eyes and groan.

"You two are so much alike, you know that? Steve would never tell me how he really is, if he´s in pain or not. Never. As if admitting that would somehow weaken him. Or if allowing humanity would ruin his reputation."

"It´s not that Danny." Catherine said.

"I know. I know." he sighed and rubbed his chin. "I´m glad it´s over now. That he woke up and can recover now. This waiting and hoping was driving me crazy! Trust me, no one is happier about that then Rachel. My wife." he said, feeling Catherine´s questioning gaze.

"She probably had the hardest job." Catherine said and Danny looked at her for a long time without saying a word. "Yeah, I guess you are right. She´s left outside in a way, just forced to deal with all the ugly things." he sounded surprised as if he had never thought about that. True was that Rachel wasn´t that close to Steve. But she saw her husband suffering. She saw his worry, his fear, his pain. And she was left to pick up the pieces, give him courage to go back to the hospital every day without really being able to do anything.

"Steve told me that you and Rachel got back together shortly before he was put to jail for killing Jameson." Catherine said and again Danny looked at her.

"You know, you are actually the first one to form a rational sentence without suddenly stopping midterm. It´s not like it didn´t happen, but no one really seems to be willing to end a sentence like that. Yes, Steve was put to jail for killing the former Governor of Hawaii. See? It´s not that hard. But you are the first person I hear that starts and actually finishes a sentence like that."

Catherine smiles at him. "Why should I try to pretend or make it sound better? It is what it is. You´ve been there, just like Steve."

"I like you, Cath, I really do!" Danny said and hit the wheel with his flat hand as if to support his approval.

"Oh Danny, don´t be so sure you´ll still like me tomorrow." she smirked but Danny could see the painful expression in her eyes.

"See, that is where I think you are wrong."

"How so?"

"I don´t care what happened between you and Steve, that is something the two of you will have to work out. But I know that he wanted you to be around when he wakes up. And I know you want to be here. That is all that matters to me. The two of you will have to work out the details."

Catherine looked at him for a while before she nodded.

"Thank you, Danny." she said and the smile he flashed her was warm and just a tad cocky.

Catherine tried to swallow the lump in her throat when she and Danny approached the door to Steve´s room. And finally she stopped, standing there, her teeth chewing her bottom lip without her realizing. Danny looked at her and he knew what she felt.

"It´s okay, Cath." he said and looked at her with a small smile. "Rachel came and picked me up one day. That was actually an important day as it was the day that Steve got out of prison. I just had driven him home and she picked me up at his place. That itself was a miracle, because usually Steve drives my car and I have it with me at all times. But this time was different and Rachel picked me up. When I got into the car everything was quiet except that song. "For you" by Barenaked Ladies... have you ever listened to that song? No? You should. It reminds me of you and Steve. Either way, I listened to that song on our way home and I realized that I´ve kept so much from my wife. Too much." Danny tilted his head and their eyes locked.

"I hid a part of myself, a very important part. I justified it as keeping Rachel safe and not bother her with my worries. But it was the wrong thing to do. I realized that. It was wrong to keep my feelings from her, because she knew it all along. She knew me. I was playing a game, justifying it with higher motives, but in the end I was just afraid to open up and let her see that her husband was a feeling, worrying and damn afraid human being. Don´t let your worries get in your way with Steve. He never wanted you to be a hero for him. He wants you to see 'him'."

Catherine eyes met his and they shared a common understanding, both willing to protect their loved ones. And themselves.

"I made so many mistakes, Danny. I don´t know if he´ll ever be able to forgive me." she whispered finally. Danny looked at her and then asked a question that threw her off, made her inside stumble and her thoughts see a totally different picture.

"Do you want his forgiveness? Or do you want to forgive yourself?"


	6. Chapter 6

**I wanted to say thank you for all the wonderful reviews. I think there is something wrong with my laptop as I can´t reply to them personally. Please don´t think I´m ignoring you. I appreciate every single one immensely!**

**I have to admit that I´m absolutely not happy with this chapter. It doesn´t feel right. But then again, it took me forever to write it. I think I´m having a serious case of writers block. So I apologize in advance if the next chapter takes even longer. Still, I´d love to know what you think!**

**Also, I´m no doctor or have any experience in the medical field, therefore I´m sure my thoughts about removing the tube or even the treatment now, are incorrect or inaccurate at the best. **

**That being said, I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

**Disclaimer: As usual, not mine.**

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><p>"Hey Boss." Kono greeted him and Steve answered her huge, dimple smile with a weak smile on his own.<p>

"Hey." he whispered and Kono shoved a shaved ice in his face.

"Here, your throat will appreciate it." Steve carefully put both hands around the ice and smiled at Kono.

"Thanks." he said and began to eat the ice with shaking and insecure movements. But he did it on his own and Kono knew better then to offer any help.

"So, how are you today?" she said, smiling at her boss, her friend, her hero. Today he looked much more like the McGarrett she remembered, still pale and vulnerable, but stronger and more confident. And most of all, awake.

"Not bad." he whispered. His throat was sore from the forced tube for 10 days and he was hesitant to use it.

"I heard that Danny called Catherine." Kono said and looked at Steve. He nodded and put another spoon full of deliciously cool ice cream into his mouth.

"You´re okay with that?" Another nod and Kono nearly growled frustrated.

"Listen, I know this is private and I know this is something between you and her... but I don´t want you to get hurt, okay Boss?" she said and Steve looked at her surprised. Maybe it was because he had never seen the rookie this vehement, or maybe it was because his relationship with Catherine was something personal that he would have never shared with his team before he wasn´t sure it was lasting. Kono´s reaction surprised him, the rookie suddenly reminded him of a lion protecting her cub.

"It´s okay." he whispered.

"You want her here?" Kono asked and Steve realized that his answer would be very important. If he said no, Kono would give Catherine a hard time, maybe even fight with her. Though Steve never doubted, that Catherine would have her way, no matter how hard Kono was willing to fight.

"Yes." he finally whispered and Kono visibly relaxed.

"Good, I would have hated fighting her... because I´m not sure who would win. So thank you for saving me from that embarrassment, Boss." she laughed at him and Steve managed a small smile himself.

"I´m glad you´re back, Steve." Kono got serious and touched his arm gently. "Danny was driving us crazy and Chin... well you know him. He´s like a secret, keeping everything to himself. But I know he was worried too."

"I know... sorry." Steve whispered and Kono smiled at him again. He wasn´t sure he ever told her what that smile did to him. It was open, warm, full of life and laughter and it made him want to believe that everything would be okay. She was still so young, so innocent, no matter how many bad guys she had taken down. She was still... pure. And that was something Steve appreciated.

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><p>When Danny entered the room he found Catherine asleep on that damn chair. 'Someone´s gonna burn that damn thing pretty soon.' he muttered to himself when he moved closer to the bed and watched his partner. He seemed to be asleep and it could have been wishful thinking but Danny thought that at least a bit of color had returned to his face.<p>

Slowly he moved closer to the bed and gently squeezed Steve´s shoulder. And in an instant Steve opened his eyes, focussed on Danny, which told the blond detective that his friend had been awake.

"Hey, how are you feeling" he asked.

"I´m okay." Steve´s voice was still strained and forced, his throat needed time to recover as well as the rest of his body.

"You sure?" Danny asked, fighting really hard to not roll his eyes and he totally expected Steve to agree. But Steve just looked at him and Danny thought he saw something like fear in his eyes for a moment.

"Not really. There are parts were I have no feeling, like in my shoulder or my right hip. And others feel completely okay, just sore from not using. I don´t know..." Steve´s voice was calm but Danny knew that this was disturbing news, something even SuperSEAL wasn´t sure how to handle.

"Did you talk to the doctor about it?" Danny whispered and Steve nodded.

"He said that it´s because of the swelling at my spine, that it´s still blocking some nerves. We should wait until the swelling is gone and then he wants to run some tests.. Just... what if it´s not temporary, Danny?"

Danny sighed, ready to jump in and just react by saying "Don´t jump on conclusions yet, you´ll see everything will be fine." But when he saw how distraught Steve was he hesitated.

"I don´t know, Steve. But we´ll cross that bridge together when we come to it, okay? We don´t know yet and you better should concentrate on getting better then worrying about What ifs."

"I know. It´s just not that easy." Steve admitted and Danny gently squeezed his left shoulder assuringly.

"It´s probably nothing to worry about. But if so, you are not alone in this." his tone was soft and quiet, he wouldn´t want to wake Catherine up and he could only hope that she didn´t hear their little conversation. Steve would tell her if he was ready to.

"Thanks, Danno." Steve said and this time Danny rolled his eyes at him and snorted hearing this damn nickname. But he was still smiling at his friend.

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><p>When Steve woke up the next morning, he saw Catherine sleeping in a chair on the side of his bed. Her head and shoulder were leaning uncomfortably against the bedside table. Her dark hair covered her face and her hands were pressed together between her legs. Steve just took in that sight and wondered for a moment, how things got so damn complicated.<p>

She looked innocent and sweet and he remembered countless other times where he had watched her sleep, not always in comfortable locations. It put him at ease in a strange and unexplainable way to see her by his side. He knew that Danny called her. He knew that she was here when he woke up. And he knew that he told her to not go.

His head began hurting thinking about the past few days. He was grateful that she was here and she had hardly left his side ever since. There would be enough time to talk and to clarify and to argue – he was sure there would be a lot of argue and only a little of clarify. Right now, he was just thankful that she was here.

"Hey Sunshine." he whispered and flinched when he saw her wake up instantly, her body tense and her eyes immediately scanning the surrounding area.

"Sorry, I didn´t mean to be that rude." he apologized and Catherine relaxed and put a small smile on her lips. He watched her stretch and yawn, rub her eyes and than look at him.

"Good Morning." she said and this time her smile was genuine and... intimate.

"Good Morning." he whispered back and felt Catherine´s hand on his chest. He loved that little reassuring gesture, but he didn´t tell her.

"How are you feeling?" she asked and he smiled.

"Okay." he answered and shifted slightly to get more comfortable in bed.

"Want me to call the nurse?" she asked and she saw him struggle. It was more than obvious that he didn´t want to, but needed to. Without another word she pressed the call button and left the room when the nurse came in. She needed to get herself a coffee and give Steve some privacy. Well, not exactly privacy as she was sure he felt uncomfortable with the nurse but he´d be even more uncomfortable with her around.

After getting herself a coffee, she went outside to just get some fresh air. Her muscles ached from sleeping on that chair. Danny called it a "damn plastic seat on metal legs that would make your back hurt like a bitch". And he was right.

Taking in a deep breath of the clean morning air and listening to the noise of the beginning day, she began to relax. She closed her eyes and felt the warm sun on her face.

"You´re up early." the male voice startled her but she immediately recognized Danny and smiled, her eyes still closed.

"You too." she said and finally opened her eyes, smiling at the blond man in front of her.

"Is he awake?" Danny asked and Catherine nodded.

"The nurse is checking on him right now and I used the time to get some coffee and fresh air." she took a sip of her coffee.

"Good idea. I bet that chair wasn´t too comfortable." Catherine groaned dramatically when she heard Danny chuckle.

"You tell me."

"How´s he doing?"

"Good. He slept the night through. He´s getting a bit restless, I guess his body is hurting more from being immobile now. I´d bet this months pay that he´s trying to get released within the next 48 hours." Danny´s laughter made her chuckle.

"SuperSEAL really is getting antsy, huh? How are you feeling, Cath?" Danny got serious and looked at her with a sympathetic smile.

"I´m okay. I´m glad he woke up and is recovering. It´s been hard..." she stopped, not sure why she opened up that much to Danny. She didn´t really know him and usually she wasn´t one to admit that much about her feelings or worries. But she assumed that Danny was just the kind of guy to make it easy for you to open up. Plus Steve trusted him 200%.

"It was." Danny agreed. "I felt like this time was... worse."

Catherine looked at him thoughtfully. The other man was the complete opposite of Steve, look-wise and character-wise, still they completed each other and were very close.

"He´d never admit it but I think he thought the same way." Catherine said and when Danny looked at her questioningly, she took another sip of her now almost cold coffee before throwing it in the bin with a disgusted look. "He... he slipped, only for a moment, but he did. He told me that he felt like loosing himself and that scared him." she said and Danny saw the turmoil that thought caused her. He squeezed her shoulder reassuringly, not knowing what to say.

His own heart was beating painfully hard when he heard her say what he thought he had felt a few nights ago. There had been a moment when Danny felt like he´d loose his best friend. He couldn´t put his finger on it, there wasn´t any movement or any change in the beeping of the machines that were controlling Steve´s functions, but it was a strong and scary feeling. It had freaked him out and he had actually started to yell at Steve.

"_You´re not gonna give up, you hear me? I know you are in there... goddamn, you´re SuperSEAL okay? You can move faster than bullets. You´re immune to explosions. You´re able to see at night without any device and you can hold your breath for at least 10 minutes!" His heart had been beating as hard and painful as it was now but Danny didn´t care. His gut was telling him that something was going on and he knew he had to do something, just something, to not let it turn into a catastrophe._

_He remembered slapping Steve´s face not too gently with his hand. Over and over again, while he gently held onto Steve´s hand. His skin seemed to start to feel cooler and Danny´s gut wrenched._

"_You with me, partner? Yeah? You hear me? I´m not gonna let you go, you know? Nope, not gonna happen." Danny didn´t care that his voice was loud and he didn´t hear the nurse rushing in, alarmed by the sudden noise. She quickly checked the vital signs and when she tried to calm him and asked him to leave the room, he just glared at her._

"_Get out, now! I´m not gonna loose my friend." _

"_Det. Williams, you can´t..." she started to lecture him but she saw the turmoil in his eyes, the pain edged on his face._

"_He´s slipping..." he whispered and the nurse checked the machines again, not seeing any difference. But she didn´t argue with the blond man. She´d been in this job for over 20 years now and she wouldn´t argue about the fact that sometimes there were things happening that you can´t explain. She had experienced herself, that some people actually felt when someone they loved was dying. Or slipping as Danny had put it._

_She gently pushed Danny down on a chair and said: "Talk to him. Don´t yell, but talk to him. Remind him why he needs to come back. He´ll hear you." she smiled at him assuringly, hoping that her advice would help. Hoping that she was right._

_Danny looked at her and nodded._

"_I´m sorry." he apologized._

"_No need to be sorry. Talk to your friend. I´ll get you some coffee." she left the room after she squeezed Danny´s shoulder assuringly. And Danny started to talk._

"I know." he whispered and this time it was Catherine who grabbed his hand and squeezed it assuringly.

"He knew you were there." she said with a shaky smile and Danny´s eyes widened.

"What?"

"He heard you. He told me that you slapped him in the face. He knew you were there." she repeated and felt Danny shiver.

"Thank you." Catherine whispered and Danny squeezed her hand in return.

"Couldn´t let him go."


	7. Chapter 7

**Thank you!**

* * *

><p>Silently Chin slipped into the room after he saw the nurse leave. He probably shouldn´t be here, visiting hours were over. But he was here. He knew that Kono and Danny had left for the night and Catherine wouldn´t be here for another hour after Chin had told her to go home and shower and get some food.<p>

"Hey brah, how are you?" he said and Steve smiled at him.

"Okay." he said huskily and Chin handed him a cup with ice to cool his sore throat. Steve smiled gratefully when the ice eased the constant scratch.

"You okay?" Steve asked and Chin lifted an eyebrow in question.

"Sure, why shouldn´t I be?" he asked and Steve looked at him silently for a moment.

"Haven´t been here for a while." he said and Chin felt a little sting of guilt.

"Sorry about that, brah..." he started but Steve waved him off.

"It´s okay. You´re here now." Both men looked at each other and grew silent. It wasn´t an uncomfortable silence, more like sharing a common understanding that needed no words.

Chin felt better now that he saw Steve. It was true, he had been absent for the past 2 days, making sure that things back at HQ were alright and helping HPD whom took over two of their cases until they were ready to go back to work. It wasn´t anything Chin urgently had to do, still he volunteered.

He felt the need to make sure that everything was okay and that even though 5-0 was currently on leave, their cases were handled. And if that meant helping HPD with details, he was willing to do that. He just couldn´t sit around at Steve´s side doing nothing. And he knew that Steve wouldn´t want him to do that.

"How´s HPD doing with our cases?" Steve asked and again Chin raised an eyebrow in question.

"Danny told me the Governor handed them to HPD." Steve said and put another spoon full of ice into his mouth.

"It´s just 2 cases. Nothing dramatic, but HPD is working on the leads as well as the evidence. I´ve been over to assist." Chin answered and Steve nodded.

"Thanks, man."

"No need to thank me, brah. It was better to do something that sit here all day, doing nothing. No offense." Chin grinned and Steve chuckled.

"Yeah, I´m not really entertaining lately."

Again both men grew silent until Chin started to talk. And Steve didn´t interrupt him once.

"Your father did the same thing you did for Danny. He pushed me out of the way and with that saved my life. He told me that this is what you do for ohana and your actions show how much of your father´s son you are. He was a great friend and a partner I trusted with my life. I miss him every single day. And now I´m working with you, his son, and that allows me to pay him back for what he did for me. When you picked me for 5-0 you gave me a chance to do something useful again and I want you to know that I appreciate that and am very grateful for the trust you put in me. Your father would be very proud of you, Steve."

When he finished Steve just looked at him. Silently. Without moving. Only the redness of his eyes showed, how deeply Chin´s words had touched him. It took him a few minutes to find back his composure.

"We´re ohana, Chin. Like my old man said, that´s what you do for ohana."

* * *

><p>It took Danny a long time to get home that night. He found himself driving around for about an hour. After leaving the hospital he drove to HQ, only to realize that the Governor had kept his promise and made sure their cases were handled by HPD until they were ready to come back. So Danny did some paperwork, only to do something. He knew that now that Steve was awake there was no reason to delay the return to work anymore and in a way he was glad that things were getting back to normal.<p>

It was strange seeing Steve´s office being empty. He vividly remembered the conversation he had with Catherine a few hours earlier about the moment he had felt Steve slip. And somehow it reminded him of how close he came to loosing his best friend. It threw him off and even though things were getting better every day and Steve was more like himself again, the conversation had reminded him of something, he wasn´t ready to face.

It was about 8pm when he finally pulled into the driveway of his house. He knew that Rachel would be worried by now and he felt guilty. He knew that his short text message earlier wasn´t helping. So he prepared himself for a lot of explaining he´d have to do when he saw Rachel open the door. She was beautiful in her light summer dress.

"Rach, I´m sorry..." he began only to grow silent when she smiled at him gently. She quickly walked down the stairs and met him halfway, throwing herself into his arms.

"Are you okay?" she whispered when her fingers slipped into his hair and her face smiled at him. Her eyes were searching his face for an answer. Danny was surprised, but then again he wasn´t. This was his Rach, his wife, his rock in the surf. Since the moment they had decided to give it another try, things were improving every day.

"Yeah..." he said before his lips met hers. "I´m sorry though, Rach. I should have been home earlier."

"That is true, but being married with you taught me one thing, Daniel. Your absence doesn´t mean you don´t want to be with us but you can´t. I´ll make sure that you will make up for it though."

"I will, I promise. Let´s go inside, we´ll talk later." he said, only to feel her lips on his again when she kissed him demandingly this time. When they finally parted, both were breathing hard.

"Now we can go inside." she smiled at him and Danny chuckled, feeling the weight on his shoulders slowly fading.

* * *

><p>At the same time Catherine entered Steve´s room again after a short stop at Steve´s house to shower and change. She even stopped on the way back to get some dinner. She knew that Steve hated the hospital food and she spoke to his doctor if it was okay to get him something light. So when she entered the room, she carried a small bag filled with steamed vegetables, rice and chicken.<p>

"Hello sailor." she said and she smiled at the man who sat in his bed, flipping through TV channels with a rather frustrated frown on his face.

"Hello Sunshine." The frown disappeared, replaced by a beautiful smile. And Catherine´s heart skipped a bit and warmth spread through her when he used the old nickname.

"Hungry?" she asked, holding up the bag in her hand and Steve´s smile got even wider. He patted the place next to him on the bed, moving slightly to make some room for her. And Catherine followed the silent invitation, sitting down on his bed facing him.

They enjoyed the food and Steve actually closed his eyes in delight.

"That is so much better than the food they serve here."

"You´ll be out here soon."

"Not soon enough."

"You´re not gonna discharge yourself this time." she said and Steve opened his mouth but Catherine interrupted him. "No. Not this time." her voice didn´t allow any protest and Steve smiled at her.

"Yes, Lieutenant." he gave her a mock salute and she chuckled lightly.

They finished dinner and after Catherine threw the bag in the bin, she moved to sit down on the chair again. But Steve held her hand and pulled her closer.

"Please." he whispered.

Catherine hesitated for a moment. She didn´t want to hurt him and the bed seemed awfully small even for him. But when he slowly and carefully moved to make some space for her, she slipped out of her shoes and slid next to him on the bed. Steve made her lay down with her head on his chest and he wrapped his left arm around her. She was very careful not to touch or hurt his wound and placed a hand on his chest. She felt his breath on her hair and his heart was beating in a calm and steady rhythm. It was relaxing and she smiled to herself.

"It´s been a while since we were this close." she said and felt Steve nod.

"Yeah."

"I´m sorry." she whispered. Suddenly she felt overwhelmed by her emotions. Tears threatened to spill and she buried her face in his shirt.

"It´s okay." he said and pressed his lips to her hair, taking in her feminine scent that always calmed his senses. It was good to have her this close and he realized, just how much he had missed her.

"We´ll talk about it later, Cath. For now all I want is to hold you, okay?" he asked and Catherine lifted her head to look up at him. Their eyes met and he gently brushed the tears from her face. "I´m glad that you are here. No pressure." he said and Catherine shook her head.

"I wouldn´t want to be anywhere else. I know that Danny is taking good care of you as well as Kono and Chin. And even though I have no right to..."

"Shsh... I want you here."

They stayed silent and after a while she felt Steve drift off to sleep. When she was sure that he was asleep, she closed her eyes as well and allowed sleep to claim her.

* * *

><p>"Oh, that is so cute." Danny chuckled when he and Chin entered the room the next morning. Steve and Catherine were asleep, their bodies melted together, her head on his shoulder, his left arm around her. But what caught Danny´s eyes was that Steve´s right hand was entwined with her left hand, holding onto each other. They looked peaceful and relaxed.<p>

"Looks like they both slept like this the whole night." Chin agreed, a huge smile on his face. He thought about dragging Danny out of the room again when he saw Steve looking at them.

"Morning Boss." Chin whispered and heard a mumbled "Good Morning Chin and Danny." from Catherine.

"Sorry, we didn´t mean to wake you up." Chin apologized.

"It´s okay. Time to get up anyway." With a hearty yawn Catherine sat up and smiled at Steve. He lifted their still entwined fingers to his lips and kissed her hand gently.

"Morning Sunshine."

"So, you might want to move out of the bed, Cath, the nurse is on its way and might not be too asumed to find you in bed with our barely clad SuperSEAL here." Danny teased and laughed, when he saw Catherine blush. She quickly moved only to hear Steve chuckle as well.

Before she could reply the door opened again and said nurse walked in, ready to check her patient. She ushered everyone out of the room.

"Let´s get some coffee until he´s done." Danny suggested and both agreed. Coffee sounded like the best idea right now.

Chin offered to give Catherine a ride back to Steve´s place so she could shower and change. Plus he could stop at HPD to hand over some files regarding the two cases they took over. Danny waved them goodbye and turned to Steve.

"God, they grow up so fast." he theatrically placed his hand on his chest as if he was in pain and smiled when he heard Steve´s chuckle. "Do you want some ice?" he asked and Steve nodded. His eyes grew wide, when his partner handed him his favorite shaved ice instead of plain crushed ice. The mug had Kamekona´s logo on it and it tasted like paradise to Steve.

"Thanks Danny."

"Don´t you dare tell anyone that I spoil you okay? Gracie will get mad at me for bringing you this. She told me that she would bring you your favorite shaved ice from Kamekona as soon as she was allowed to visit. So please, do me a favor and be surprised when she does so, okay?"

"I promise." Steve held his hand to his chest and tried to look as genuine and convincing as possible. But Danny laughed out loud and only rolled his eyes at his friend.

"How are you doing?" Danny suddenly got serious and for a moment Steve thought about ignoring it. He would have loved to talk to Danny more, enjoying the lighter mood. But he should have known better. His partner was worried and frankly Steve was too.

"You´re such a party pooper, Danno." he murmured but Danny only shrugged his shoulders.

"Well, one of us has to be the adult in this little role play without a text book. Apparently you are not the one to make wise decisions, so I guess it´s my job now. Plus you can´t deny the fact that I´ve done a hell of a job so far in raising a 9 year old girl. Raising you can´t be that much harder."

Steve snorted, but his lips twitched when he fought his smile.

"I´m not a 9 year old girl." he protested and Danny nodded but said: "True, technically there are some differences. But I came to the conclusion while studying your behaviour and your actions, that your mental level isn´t that far away from a 9 year old."

"You studied me?"

"Yes, I... wait, that is all you have to say to that? No protest? No 'Hey, I´m SuperSEAL and usually I have grenades for breakfast and I use missiles as toothpicks!'" Danny looked at him surprised and Steve could tell that he just loved this way too much. It felt good to be back, good to be able to talk to his partner and it felt even good to listen to him ranting.

"Nope, not gonna protest. Why waste my breath? You´re not gonna listen and you´re not gonna change your mind." Steve said and this time his lips curved into a smile.

"That, my dear friend, is where you are wrong. If you could give me solid and established arguments that would prove me wrong and you right about the little fact that you´re acting and behaving like a 9 year old when it comes to dangerous situations, because you act first and think later, I would be the last person on this planet to not agree."

"Nope. Sorry Danno, but it´s way more entertaining just listen to you. Go ahead." Steve waved his hand as if he was ordering Danny on stage for a performance. The blond man slumped down on the chair next to Steve´s bed instead and looked at his friend.

"Honestly Steve, how are you?" he asked and met his friends gaze. He wasn´t sure how to read Steve´s face this time and it was unnerving. But this time Steve managed to really guard himself, so not even Danny knew what was going on.

"Don´t." he said, his tone just a tad too harsh, his eyes soft.

"What?"

"Shut me out. Don´t." he simply said. Steve leaned back against his pillow and closed his eyes.

"No change yet. The doc is giving it another 24 hours before running some tests. When there is no change until then..." he didn´t have to continue, Danny knew immediately what that meant. And he was trying his best not to let the fear show that suddenly seemed to take a hold of his heart.

"24 hours, huh?" Steve nodded tiredly.

"Don´t tell the team yet, okay? I don´t know... when it happens, I want to tell them. Until then they don´t have to worry." Their eyes met and they shared an understanding. Danny grabbed Steve´s hand, not caring if his partner would call him touchy or something. He squeezed it tightly and was thankful for Steve doing the same.


	8. Chapter 8

**Thank you so much for all the reviews, alerts and private messages! I´ll admit it, I´m having a serious case of writers block. BUT in a few minutes Hawaii 5-0 will be on TV here after the summer break and it kind of got me going :-) Please keep me encouraged to proceed.**

**On with the story.**

* * *

><p>Steve awoke to the wonderful sensation of a warm body snuggled against his side, soft breaths against his neck and a torturing scent that woke up not only his senses but other parts of his body as well. He smiled, his eyes still closed, enjoying this moment. He knew that Catherine had stayed with him and he remembered convincing her again to sleep in his arms, in the comfortable bed instead of that terrible chair.<p>

He felt her shifting, felt one leg slide over his and her face snuggled closer to his neck. She was still asleep but instinctively inching closer to his warmth. He knew how much she loved waking up in his arms. He remembered countless times when he would watch her wake up. His embrace tightened a bit and he took a deep breath, feeling relaxed and... happy. Yes, he was happy. Happy to be awake, happy to have her here. Happy to know that his team was there and he´d still have time to live. A part of him felt grateful for that chance. Because he would never admit it but he knew how close it had been this time. Not only because Danny wouldn´t stop reminding him. But Steve knew. He had been there.

This journey had been long and painful. It´s only been a few days, still his emotions, his memories had been hard to fight. There was nowhere to flee, nowhere to hide, so he had been forced to face his own demons. And he did. He had met them on the threshold of his personal hell. Being here now, being awake and feeling his beautiful woman in his arms was the evidence that he survived. That he had won the fight over whatever was hiding in the dark shadows inside his soul.

It could have ended differently and Steve was well aware of that fact. Drowning in his memories would have been easy. Just giving up and giving in to the comforting darkness that was ready to swallow him. And he had thought about giving up. But a SEAL doesn´t give up and doesn´t give in! And Steve knew that his life was worth fighting for. His life that got so much more precious after meeting his team. His ohana.

He had never chosen the easy way out. And he wouldn´t start now.

Catherine moving against his side pulled him out of his thoughts and he flinched when his body reacted to her. Not the best timing, still he smiled. It felt great to be alive. But then he grit his teeth and sucked in his breath when a piercing pain shot through his right hip to his thigh. He felt the muscles in his leg cramp, his hip hurting like hell.

"Steve? You okay?" Catherine´s sleepy but alert voice sounded so far away.

But Steve was too busy fighting against the pain, trying to control his breath to answer her. He felt her hand touching his forehand and she tried to slip off the bed, but Steve held her tightly pressed against him.

"Steve, let go. I need to call the doctor." he heard her voice but still he didn´t let go.

Catherine moaned painfully when his fingers dug into her side. Her expression was worried and she still tried to convince him to let her go. But it seemed that he didn´t listen to her. His face was set in stone, his jaw impossibly tense and his body rigid.

And then she heard him laugh and for a second she thought he must have lost his mind. His chuckle grew louder until it became a full hearted laugh, from deep inside. His body relaxed a bit and he wrapped both arms around her and pulled her close, kissing her still laughing.

"It hurts, Cath." he said and she didn´t understand. How could she? He wasn´t able to find the words to explain to her. Not now. For now the pain just felt too good.

"Steve, what´s going on? Talk to me, Honey." she said, placing a hand on his cheek and forcing him to look at her. Their eyes met and slowly, ever so slowly, his laughter faded until it was just a huge smile on his face. He saw the worried expression on her face, saw the fear in her eyes and he chuckled again.

"Don´t worry, I´m not crazy." he said and pulled her close to press a hot kiss to her lips. He heard her moan in surprise, felt her melt against him. This was heaven. This was life. Catherine ended the kiss before she lost it completely and looked at him, her eyes widened, her breath ragged and her lips swollen from the kiss.

He watched her open her mouth as if she wanted to say something but no words left her mouth. Instead she closed it again, staring at him surprised and shocked. What had happened to him? He wasn´t himself and she had not idea what had happened.

Again he smiled brightly and just looked at her, his hands framing her face. He saw her licking her lips and pulled her close again, kissing her again. This time his kiss was so soft, so tender, so caring. He felt her body tensing as if she thought about struggling against his gentle hold, but then she melted against him.

He nipped at her lips, teasing her to give in to him, tasting her. He felt her warmth against the length of his body and her ragged breath tickled the side of his face. His hands sunk into her silky hair and he turned towards her, flinching slightly when his right hip protested with pain.

When they finally parted and looked at each other, he saw the turmoil inside her eyes. Smiling at her reassuringly, his thumbs brushed over her cheekbones.

"Steve..." she said and he saw her swallow, trying to gain control over her feelings.

"I´m okay... no actually I´m better than okay." he whispered, letting his thumb brush over her lips. He felt her shiver, felt her lips tremble against his finger. "I feel the pain." he whispered and her eyes told him that she had no idea what he was talking about.

Steve sighed, feeling an incredible wave of relief wash over him.

"I had no feeling in my right hip. Until now. It hurts, my right hip hurts, Cath." he said and watched her face. Watched her confusion turn into knowing and then into slight hurt before a smile broke on her face.

"We should get the doctor to check you." she said but Steve shook his head no.

"Not yet." he said, his eyes wandering to her lips.

"Oh no, sailor. Don´t get me started. You are so not gonna do it... not now." she laughed and her eyes never left his. She saw so many emotions in them, emotions that he usually hid. She had never seen that look on his face before, but then again she had never spend enough time with him.

"Wanna challenge me, Lieutenant?" he grinned smugly and Catherine pushed her body up, trying to bring some space between them.

"Trust me, Commander, you are in no position to live up to that right now." she actually blushed, sliding out of his bed in a quick move when he laughed.

"I´m gonna go and get the doc okay?" she said, not bothering to stop smiling. Steve nodded and tried to get more comfortable in bed, flinching and smiling widely when pain shot through his hip again.

If the nurse and the doctor that entered the room a moment later noticed her blushed face, her swollen lips and her messy hair, they chose to ignore it.

* * *

><p>"Woah, slow partner!" Danny grabbed Steve´s arm and tried to ignore Steve´s attempt to push him off.<p>

"I´m okay, Danno. You can let go of my arm."

"Yeah, sure. Just so you kiss the floor, face first." the smaller detective muttered and heard Steve grumble.

"I´m not gonna fall."

"Said SuperSEAL before loosing control over his legs and experiencing first hand how the pope feels when stepping out of a plane kissing the ground."

"Danno..."

"Steven..."

"I need to get up, Danny." Their eyes met and Danny actually smiled hearing the urgent tone in Steve´s voice.

"Yeah? Well, I don´t think you need to get up. They´ve taken care of that." he grinned and nearly laughed out loud when he saw Steve blush.

"I´m not an invalid!" he protested.

"You woke up just a few days ago, no feeling in your right hip, afraid to end up in a wheelchair. You´re no invalid but you need to take it slow, okay partner?"

"Are you gonna call the doc now?" Steve asked, only to find Danny grinning at him.

"What? You already had enough of it? I thought you´d enjoy this actually. Everything is being taken care off, you don´t even have to pee yourself." Danny pressed the call button.

"God, just let me keep a tiny bit of my pride!"

"Your pride was send on vacation when you decided to play super hero, got hit by that bullet and were rushed to the hospital." Danny ranted and Steve laughed.

Danny stared at him surprised.

"You´re laughing?"

"You should try it too." Steve chuckles.

"Now I´m worried." Danny said silently when the nurse entered the room and shushed him out.

"I´ll be back in a few." he said before the door closed behind him.

* * *

><p>"Hey Danny."<p>

He looked up and saw Catherine approach him, wearing a white summer dress. Danny knew that Steve had send her home disguising it as being worried about her. And he was, but underlying was the need for some time alone. He had told her to go shower and actually eat something while the doctor checked him. They stood in front of the door to Steve´s room and Catherine wondered for a moment if he had been waiting for her. She had seen him leave the room when she exited the elevator.

"Hey Cath, how are you?" he asked and her ironic smile told him that she knew she was sent away. Danny had no idea of the how, but somehow Cath knew that Danny wasn´t as blind as she was to Steve´s inability to feel his right hip. She knew that they were close so it was a safe bet to assume that he was aware of it.

"I´m good." she played along. Maybe it was her being taught from the beginning to be polite and not start a fight when it wasn´t necessary. But maybe it was also because she knew that Danny didn´t deserve her anger.

"Look, I..." he started only to stop when she held up a hand.

"It´s not your fault, Danny. And it´s not Steve´s either."

Danny sighed and looked at his shoes for a moment before meeting her eyes again.

"He didn´t want to worry anyone."

"Don´t defend him! I know he didn´t. Trust me, I know him." she said, trying to shrug off the feeling of being hurt. Why didn´t he tell her? Why didn´t he let her know that there was the possibility of him being tied to a wheelchair for the rest of his life?

"He would have never admitted it if I hadn´t walked in on him."

"Danny...," she sighed and her shoulders suddenly slumped. "Just stop trying to convince me that he had good reasons, okay? I KNOW that already!" her voice rose a bit and she took a deep breath to force herself to calm down.

"What happened between the two of you?" Danny asked and this innocent question threw Catherine off completely. She stared at him, surprised and shocked.

"You know; I get it that you guys had something going on and apparently you made a mistake that you feel bad about now. But maybe, just maybe – and this is just my opinion – you should get past that. Apparently he doesn´t have as much of a problem with whatever it is that happened between you than you have."

"Did someone ever tell you that you talk too much?" she said, one eyebrow rose.

"Changing the topic won´t help you, Cath. You might escape me but not him." Danny got serious. "He wants you here. Now, that tells me a lot about my partner, Cath. He would kick you out right away, even if he was unconscious if he didn´t want you here. What does that tell you?"

Catherine looked at him without saying a word. She knew he was right. She knew that she would have to talk with Steve. She just didn´t know how.

"Well, let me tell you what that means in my opinion. He wants you here. Whatever happened he is not holding anything against you. And he is willing to give it another try." Danny just wouldn´t let it go and Catherine was fighting against the feeling of being pushed into a corner.

"Don´t screw it up again." Danny said and laid a hand on her shoulder, turning her around and pushing her gently towards Steve´s door. Catherine turned around again, her hand on the door, ready to push it open.

"Thank you, Danny." she said and the blond detective smiled at.


	9. Chapter 9

**This is the end. Or maybe it´s the beginning for Steve and Catherine? I know that in the show they are shown as being friends with benefits, but I can´t help but see more. I think they make a great couple and I wish they would get the chance to be more. **

**Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, alerted and commented on the story! You have been the ones to encourage me and to end this story. I appreciate that a lot!**

** I´m not really happy with this last chapter, but after re-writing it for what seemed like a million times, I just decided to go with it!**

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><p>She felt insecure and nervous, two feelings she wasn´t used to. And she didn´t like it. She usually was able to keep her feelings at bay and not show anyone, what was going on inside her. But this situation was different and she knew that this time she couldn´t run and hide. This was Steve and he deserved her honesty.<p>

Catherine took a deep breath, closed her eyes for a second and tried to prepare herself. It was showdown time.

"Hey." Steve´s voice pulled her back to reality and she looked at him. He had changed into a shirt and a pair of sweat pants, looking more like himself. Sitting in bed on top of the blanket, he smiled at her. Warm, genuine and open. He had lost some weight, but his skin didn´t look pale anymore and she smiled.

"Hey."

"Come here." he said, reaching for her and pulling her down onto the bed so she was forced to cuddle against him carefully.

"I´m sorry, Cath." he said, his fingers finding hers. They entwined and Catherine looked down. It was such a warm and familiar feeling of holding his hand, yet it was new and it felt... strange. She struggled with her own emotions.

"I know why you kept that from me, from everyone except Danny." she said. Steve let go of her hand and placed a finger under her chin, moving her face up so she would look at him.

"I wasn´t ready to deal with it. And I didn´t want anyone to know." Catherine saw the honesty in his eyes and sighed.

"I know. I´m glad you didn´t have to face it." she said and watched Steve swallow hard.

"Me too." Silence grew between them and Catherine felt her stomach tighten.

Steve´s hand moved to cup her face and he just looked at her. He felt her tremble in his arms. He saw the turmoil in her eyes. He knew what was going on inside her but he also knew that he couldn´t help her with this. She´d have to talk to him. She would have to say it, tear the wound open before she could let it heal.

"I love you." she finally whispered and even though he had known it, hearing her say it felt like getting hit by a truck. His heart started to beat faster and his arms around her tightened. He felt her hand on his chest, right above his heart. He saw the tears in her eyes and saw the slight quiver of her lips.

"I love you, Steve," she repeated, not sure he had heard her words.

"And I´m sorry that I thought leaving you and breaking up would be the right thing."

_He heard her words but it took him a while to understand their meaning. _

"_So this is it?" he asked, ignoring the sudden cold inside him._

"_It was never serious, Steve. We had fun and I enjoyed being with you. But I think it´s time for us to move on." Catherine said, trembling with the effort to keep her voice calm and stop it from breaking._

"_Well, I guess it´s my job now to say that I wish you all the best and hope that you´ll be happy then." he said, his voice lacking any feeling, any warmth._

"_I hope you´ll be happy too, Steve. Thank you for being my friend." her voice was soft, nearly a whisper and Steve closed his eyes and balled his hands to fists, fighting the urge to punch it into something solid._

_"Take care, Commander." she said and before he could answer, he heard the click that indicated she had ended the call. The silence that followed echoed inside him, broke his heart and left him alone. Again._

"I know it was me who never wanted to put a label on what we had. I thought that things would get too complicated and you wouldn´t want to add me as another burden to your life, after everything that happened. I thought... I thought you wouldn´t want to really be with me." Steve wanted to protest, wanted to say something, but Catherine silenced him by placing a finger over his lips. So he just kissed her fingertip, waiting for her to continue.

"I was scared. And I missed you, every single moment." The words left her mouth quickly as if she was afraid that if she stopped talking, she´d never find the courage again. "I was wrong and I hurt you. I am so sorry. I wish I could change what happened, but I can´t."

Catherine felt his thumb brush over her cheek, catching her tears, showing her that he was there. He remained silent, letting her talk, knowing that this was her time. She needed to voice it. And he needed to hear it. His inside was hurting too, after all he had been through this and it had effected him in more ways than one.

"Ever since I enlisted, I was devoted and I was willing to do whatever it took to keep this. It was my anchor, the one thing that made sense in my life. Until I met you...," she swallowed hard and leaned her face into his hand that was still framing her face. "When you asked me for help with that case ... I couldn´t do it. Helping you had already raised some flags, and this... it would have destroyed everything. It killed me to deny you my help. But I couldn´t... I couldn´t..." A sob escaped her and Steve pulled her closer.

"Shshs..." he whispered into her hair, relieved that she moved closer into his embrace.

"I grew up in the Navy, my dad and my grandfather were both Navy. It seemed natural to enlist. But it didn´t become more until my family died. I needed it, to keep my sanity and to have the feeling of being part of something bigger. To do good..." her whisper sounded muffled into the fabric of his shirt and he felt her hot tears. "I was too close to loosing that. I found out that day that I was being watched, for helping you. And I could have lost everything."

Steve closed his eyes for a moment. He knew how she felt. The Navy had saved him as well, a long time ago. Had given him a purpose for getting up in the morning. It had given him a reason to feel good for doing something he believed in. And it was his everything after his family broke apart and he had lost his childhood.

Catherine pulled back a little, brushing the tears on her face away with an angry gesture. She looked him in the eye, never breaking contact. She wanted him to see that she was honest, that she wasn´t holding anything back. She wanted him to see the truth.

"I was too afraid of my feelings for you. I think I fell in love with you the first moment I saw you. But I was afraid to allow it. And to loose it again..." Steve felt his heart beating hard inside his chest and there was a lump in his throat that wouldn´t disappear no matter how hard he tried to swallow it.

"I´m thankful that you allowed me to be with you when you woke up...I didn´t want to let you down. I´m so sorry, Steve. No matter what I want you to know that I love you." Another tear ran down her cheek and Steve´s thumb brushed it away gently.

He opened his mouth, trying to say something. Trying to tell her that he loved her too. That he forgave her. That he never thought she was hurting him purposefully. That he knew what she felt, that he understood why she ran. That he understood her insecurity. That he missed her, every night, every day and in between. But no words left his mouth. So he did the only thing he could do to show her what he was unable to say. He pulled her face up and leaned down, pressing his lips to hers in a sweet kiss.

He tasted her tears and felt her body tremble in his arms. But her arms went around his neck, holding onto him while she melted against him. He felt her give in, let go. He felt the gentle reply of her lips, the warmth of her breath.

When they finally parted, their breath was going fast and their hearts were beating furiously. He leaned his forehead against hers and held her small form pressed tightly against him.

"I love you, Cath. And I understand." he whispered finally. Catherine looked into his eyes, searching for the truth behind his words. She needed to know that he understood. That he was not holding it against her. That he knew, really knew, that she never meant to hurt him. And Steve showed her what she so desperately needed to see. His lips curved into a smile and he placed a finger under her chin, moving her face up to him.

"Just so you know, I`m not gonna let you go again." A beautiful smile appeared on her face when he leaned down and captured her lips again.

"I´m not leaving again." she whispered against his lips and this time, Steve´s kiss wasn´t that gentle. He needed to feel her and taste her. Catherine didn´t hesitate to give him what he needed. And take what she needed.

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><p>"Hey Boss man, how are you?" Kono´s face was a huge smile.<p>

"Hey... I´m good." he said and Kono´s smile disappeared.

"You know, we would have helped you carry that burden. You don´t have to protect us, Boss." she said and Steve knew what she was talking about.

"Can´t help it." he shrugged and watched her roll her eyes.

"Danny´s right, you always need to be in control, don´t you?"

"I was trained to do that."

"I´m glad you´re getting better, Boss." she reached for his hand, giving it a firm squeeze. It was safer to ignore his comment. Safer than to remind him that he wasn´t in the Navy anymore and this was no black op.

"Me too, Kono, me too."

"Danny and Chin are checking with HPD and will get here soon. Where is Catherine?"

"She´s getting my papers."

"You´re discharged?"

"Yep, time to go home. Only coming back for physiotherapy for the next 6 weeks."

He watched Kono and he knew he could consider himself a happy man. He knew that things could have went differently. If it wasn´t for his team, for Catherine, he might have given up. He wasn´t a sensitive person and he wasn´t emotional. But right now, he felt good and content. He knew that fighting for his life had been the right decision.

"Hey, stop getting all teary eye, Boss." Kono laughed at him, while she tried to brush off her own tears.

"I´m not." he protested with a smile, blinking furiously. Kono laughed at him, squeezing his hand again.

"It´s good to have you back." No more words were needed, he knew. And Kono was thankful for that. She wouldn´t know how to tell him how thankful she was for him still being there. That she couldn´t wait for him to get back to work. That things were going to be okay now.

Chin and Danny got there a few minutes later and when Catherine entered the room, she was met with laughter. Steve was sitting on the edge of his bed, ready to leave. His team stood around him and Catherine took in the scene, feeling her inside slowly calming down from the earlier meltdown.

Leaning against the wall she remained a silent observer until Steve looked at her and smiled. Their eyes met and she felt her heart skip a beat.

"Hey Lieutenant." Danny´s gaze followed Steve´s eyes and he turned around to greet her with a smile.

"Hey Detective." she said and moved closer, standing next to Danny. She smiled at Chin and Kono.

"How about a cool beer and a steak?" Kono asked and Chin and Danny immediately agreed. Steve opened his mouth, but before he could say something, Danny interrupted: "Nope, partner, soda for you. We didn´t work so hard to get you back, just so you immediately go back to normal. Drinking a beer will have to wait until the doc says that you´re completely recovered. And I will personally make sure that you stick to the rules. This time."

Catherine chuckled.

"Sounds like you not only got yourself a partner but also a mother, Commander." she teased him and Steve smiled at her before growling at Danny.

"I´m not a mother!" Danny protested. "But his well-being is directly linked to mine. His habit to get into dangerous situations leads to him getting shot or he gets me shot. This time he played superhero without back up to save me, so the least I can do is make him pay for it now!" Steve chuckled and Catherine smiled at Danny.

"So it´s not that you are worried about him but you want to punish him for saving your life?" Chin asked and Danny shrugged his shoulders.

"When you put it that way it sounds mean... in my head it made much more sense."

And for the next minutes the room was filled with laughter. Catherine looked at Steve, at his team, and she realized maybe for the first time since she knew him, that he had found his place in life. He was happy, content and he was having a back-up. He had a new ohana.

Her eyes met Danny´s and she smiled at him brightly. There were no words in the world to tell how grateful she was. She knew no matter what, Steve wasn´t alone. He would never be alone. He had friends and family that would help him. That would support him and if necessary put him back into place. Of course she´d still worry about him, knowing that he would do the same thing all over again. But his team had his back and no one, not even SuperSEAL, could ask for a better back up.

She also knew that a part of him, the part that only she knew, the part that he didn´t share with his ohana, belonged to her. Despite his job, his mission, his team and his dedication, a part of him was reaching out for more. Reaching out for her, to comfort him and to soothe him. She knew what kept him awake sometimes. She knew of his nightmares and she knew the reason of this nightmares, because she´s been there with him.

He loved her. And nothing in the world, not even the Navy, was going to keep her away from him again. It was unfair and it was painful, but Catherine realized that this event had to happen. Of course she would have hoped something like that would never happen to him, but still she acknowledged the fact that this event made her realize how close she was to loose something so precious.

"Okay, how about we´ll get you out of here and meet at your place?" Danny suggested.

"That´s the second best thing I´ve heard today." Steve said and Danny opened his mouth to ask what the best thing had been, but he shut it quickly when he saw the way Steve smiled at Catherine. So it seemed, things were getting to be okay after all.

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><p>"Hey Partner." Steve looked up to find Danny standing by his chair. He motioned for him to sit down on the chair to his right and accepted the soda Danny handed him with a frown. "Sorry, just making sure you stick to doctors orders." Danny toasted him with his beer and his grin was just a tad evil.<p>

"You know, Danny, you can back off now. I´m fine."

"You´ll understand that I don´t agree with that." Danny´s smile faded when he remembered what happened. Since Steve woke up he was too busy ignoring the fact how close he had come to loose his partner, his best friend.

"Hey, you´re not getting all mushy now, are you?" Steve interrupted him, but his smile seemed just a bit forced. He knew what Danny was thinking about.

"Nah, don´t worry. I know that you are not dealing well with emotions." Danny waved his comment off and smiled at Steve. "Though I´d love to see you struggle with it."

Steve laughed and this time it wasn´t forced. It was good to be back.

"Okay, I´m gonna say that only once and won´t repeat it. If you ever tell anyone, I´ll deny saying it and might even kill you." Steve´s laughter died, knowing that whatever Danny had to say, wasn´t a game.

"Thank you, Steve. For saving my life. For being my partner and my friend. I hate it when you go all SuperSEAL and throw yourself in the line of fire. But I understand that is just who you are. I won´t accept it and I´ll argue with you about that, but I know why you´re doing it. And I respect that. I respect you." Danny leaned back in his chair, looking at the sky.

After Steve cleared his throat, he bumped his soda against Danny´s beer and took a big gulp, trying to swallow the lump in his throat.

"You´d never be able to kill me, Danno." he said and when he heard Danny laugh, he joined, leaning back as well, staring into the dark sky above.


End file.
